Man, it feels like forever since I've blogged. Like, really blawged. There's been the standard weekly Thankful Thursday posts and my weekly posting over at the Through the Bible blog. More recently, I've been looking back through old photos for Forgotten Foto Friday posts, and sometimes there's a random or reposted thing on the weekend or early in the week... but nothing original and/or of much substance since October 23rd!!
I've found myself wondering again if maybe this blog has run its course. It's not that I have nothing to say, but I somehow don't seem to have the time or want to MAKE the time, to get my thoughts sorted out and in print. I still sit here at the computer too often and too long, but I'm never writing anymore. Just reading, making a short comment or two, updating my FB status, and looking through a few Pinterest boards.
Of course, it's the end of the year, a time when one naturally tends to take stock of last 12 months and wonder if the New Years resolutions have been kept ~ or what they even were! Most of us tend to feel like we've failed. Because I kept my goals few and relatively simple, I actually accomplished two of the three I set for myself. Today I finished reading through my Bible in a year once again, and looking back through my prayer journal, I can see most of my days began with asking God to help me prioritize in a way that would honour Him. In this case however, my success is limited to the letter of the law. I never learned to co-operate well with that request; I just started my days with good intentions.
So not too shabby, right? Except that the one goal where I feel like I've failed is the one that was the most important as far as the outward manifestation of my relationship with Christ goes.
I wanted to spend more time discovering how to put my husband first among my earthly relationships and how that's supposed to look in my daily living. I wanted to spend more time doing things WITH my girls instead of merely being together in the house every evening, each of us pursuing our own agendas. I wanted to conscientiously work at developing an attitude of service and hospitality, to serve my friends and church family members better. I said, "All the above categories of people deserve more from me than they've gotten in the past. I don't want people to hear that I care about them; I want them to FEEL it."
But once again at the close of the year, I don't think I can say that happened. Others may be in a better position to comment objectively, but I feel like I did quite poorly in this area. And I know I've said it here several times in the past that I want to improve in this respect, so I'm starting to feel quite hypocritical about it all. I realize I'm a work in progress and to the casual observer, it's virtually impossible to tell the difference between a hypocrite and someone who's continuously trying despite constant failure, but recently, I feel that God has really been speaking to me about my half-heartedness and lack of commitment to true change.
I was offered a casual, part-time job that will start sometime in January (not the same job I was offered back in November, but still with the same company), but before I agreed to accept that offer, I spent a lot of time praying about it. The end result was a feeling that I should take the job, but that I also needed to spend a bit more time focusing on living out what I claim my priorities are. I feel like that's been a constant struggle over the last few years. I consistently put my children ahead of my husband, my hobbies ahead of my children, and all the housework that piles up in the mean time ahead of my friends. My "in real life" friends.
I believe the time may have come to take drastic measures to remedy that situation. Obviously, I will have less time to fool around here anyway due to the job (even though it shouldn't amount to much more than a dozen or so hours a week), but I think I need to actually do something about breaking this habit I have of just sitting here, idly, wasting precious time. Which is another thing I've talked about ad nauseum here and in person... Ugh, so many good intentions that never get any further than that!
I listened again last week to a Revive Our Hearts series from last Christmas about putting first things first, about disciplining ourselves to look after the truly important things before allowing the urgent to take up our time, about weighing the temporal against the eternal. The thing that piqued my interest initially and made the entire series resonate so deeply was host Nancy Leigh DeMoss' introduction in the first broadcast, saying her life goal is to be able to say something similar to what Jesus said to His heavenly Father in John 17:4 ~
The reason that struck me so hard was because wa-a-ay back in 1990 as a 17-yr old giving my testimony in church before my baptism...
It's important to note that Jesus didn't accomplish everything others wanted Him to. Maybe not even many of the things that He, as a human, wanted to do. But everything GOD wanted Him to do? He had exactly enough time for that and accomplished it all. I believe there is exactly enough time in every day to do everything God wants me to accomplish as well. But I need to get better at allowing Him to direct my time and guide my actions.
I believe, like Solomon said, there is a time for everything. And maybe, just maybe, it is time for me to leave ~ or take a break from ~ the blogosphere in pursuit of things I should have started working on a long time ago.