so long, farewell...

Man, can you believe March is almost here?!! Woo-hoo!! The signs of spring SHOULD start to be visible around here within the next few weeks! (Maybe. If we're lucky...)

The girls and I are heading to the city after school today for a few days to hang out with my parents. As of last night, mom was still in the hospital, but it sounds like the primary reason she's still there is because it's been a slow week on that ward! They've got bed space, the nurses are obviously not feeling overworked, so they figured it wouldn't be a bad thing to keep her there a little longer.

But she's up and around and doing well. Dad said they'd promised to release her today, so hopefully that's the way it will work! (** just got a call from mom early this afternoon ~ she's home now! **)

Okay, I'm off to clean out and load up my van. Later!

mom-watch update

Thank you so much for all your thoughts, prayers and words of encouragement yesterday!

Mom's surgery went well. Dad phoned me before noon already to say he'd just gotten a call from the surgeon telling him everything had gone exactly as planned. Dad called again later in the afternoon after mom had come out of her anaesthetic fog to say again that things looked really good.

While he was visiting, the endocrinologist had been by to see her and had been impressed with her lucidity. This is, apparently, a good indication that her hormones aren't going all wacky. Doc said she would likely begin to notice improvements within the first 24 hours already, especially in her muscle strength. Mom had said she thought she could already tell her thought processing was different, but dad figured that was probably just the last traces of morphine talking. ;)

The nursing staff was going to get mom to sit up later in the evening and hopefully have her walking a bit this morning, and she should be discharged tomorrow if all goes well. If it goes REALLY well, maybe even tonight.

Thanks again for your prayers!

could i request your prayers today?

My mom was diagnosed with Cushings Syndrome a while back and is having an adrenal gland removed this morning to fix the problem. All the bizarre, seemingly random symptoms are expected to disappear once her hormone and cortisol levels return to where they should be.

Would you pray for my parents today and over the next couple of days while mom's in the hospital?

Barring unforeseen circumstances, mom should be discharged on Thursday, but dad's kinda on his own at home until then. It sucks being an only child and living this far away, but the girls and I will be heading down on Friday after school to stay for a few days.

It is a truly amazing feeling, knowing prayers from all over the world are going up on one's behalf ~ like a global simulcast concert of prayer! ~ and for those of you who have already been praying, mom was so incredibly touched when I told her.

Thank you so much.

the ultimate love test

If I can easily discuss the shortcomings and the sins of any;
If I can speak in a casual way even of a child’s misdoings,
Then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can enjoy a joke at the expense of another;
If I can in any way slight another in conversation, or even in thought, Then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can write an unkind letter, speak an unkind word,
Think an unkind thought without grief and shame,
Then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If in dealing with one who does not respond,
I weary of the strain and slip from under the burden,
Then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I’m afraid to speak the truth lest I lose affection,
Or lest the one concerned should say, "You do not understand,"
Or because I fear to lose my reputation for kindness;
If I put my own good name before the other’s highest good,
Then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I hold onto choices of any kind, just because they are my choice;
If I give any room to my private likes and dislikes,
Then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I do not give a friend "the benefit of the doubt,"
But put the worst construction instead of the best
on what is said or done,
Then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I take offense easily;
If I am content to continue in a cool unfriendliness,
though friendship be possible,
Then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If a sudden jar or jolt can cause me to speak an impatient,
unloving word,
Then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I feel bitterly toward those who condemn me,
as it seems to me, unjustly,
Forgetting that if they knew me as I know myself they would condemn me much more,
Then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I say, "Yes, I forgive, but I cannot forget,"
as though the God, who twice a day washes all the sands
on all the shores of all the world,
could not wash such memories from my mind,
Then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If monotony tries me,
If stupid people fret me and little ruffles set me on edge;
If I make much of the trifles of life,
Then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I am inconsiderate about the comfort of others, or their feelings, or even of their little weaknesses;
If I’m careless about their little hurts and miss opportunities
to smooth their way;
If I make the sweet running of household wheels more difficult
to accomplish,
Then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If interruptions annoy me, and private cares make me impatient;
If I shadow the souls about me because I myself am shadowed,
Then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If something I’m asked to do for another feels burdensome;
If, yielding to an inward unwillingness, I avoid doing it,
Then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If the praise of man elates me and his blame depresses me;
If I cannot rest under misunderstanding without defending myself;
If I love to be loved more than to love,
Then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If the burden my Lord asks me to bear be not the burden
of my heart’s choice,
And I fret inwardly and do not welcome His will,
Then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I covet anyplace on earth but the dust at the foot of the cross,
Then I know nothing of Calvary love.

~ Amy Carmichael

How blessed we are to have a Heavenly Father who gives us the grace to improve our love lives!! Happy Valentine's Day!

how i am wrecking my kids

Man, it feels like forever since I've really blogged. It feels like it's been a long time since I had something to blog about.

January was a particularly trying month around here and while I found myself wasting a lot of time at the computer (pure escapism), I wasn't interested in engaging conversation, really. I had a 2- to 3-week period of depression ~ probably the worst and longest-lasting one I've had in several years ~ and was just starting to claw my way out of that hole, when I spent a week worrying about my daughter's health, which was a bit of a set-back, to say the least!

She's definitely on the mend now, but regrettably, it almost seems as though I managed to transfer to her my anxiety, and we suspect that is actually probably the biggest reason her recovery has dragged on as long as it has. She and I both seem to have the knack for literally worrying ourselves sick.

Given that her sickness wasn't caused by food poisoning and wasn't contracted by anyone else, I find myself wondering if all the moodiness and tears in the house during the month of January maybe actually caused the whole thing. Exactly the weekend before her problem initially began was kind of the culmination of the whole ordeal. There was an awful lot of tension between me and The Bushman.

I'm not allowing myself to feel guilty ~ since we have no idea what her problem actually was, and even if we knew it had been my fault, there's nothing I can do about it now ~ but it certainly does impress upon me the need to develop a stronger faith.

I know there are people who genuinely suffer from chronic clinical depression over which they have little to no control, but my own issues with it are purely my own doing. I choose fear over faith, worry over wisdom, feelings over foundational belief so many times. And when I do, I invariably go through a few bleak-feeling days. But seeing now how intuitive my Peanut is, and knowing now that she seems to be somewhat prone to worry as well, makes it that much more important that I set a better example; that I live a life of quiet faith and trust in a God whom I KNOW has everything under control, even though the circumstances don't always fit my definition of "under control."

1 Peter 5:6-8 says, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour," and oh, I am seeing how easily I fall prey to the roaring lion!! How easily I let him deceive me into believing I've somehow slipped out of God's grasp and He is no longer in control! Instead of continually trusting God, I begin to look to myself for solutions and when I can't find them, well, that's how it all starts. In the blink of an eye, I'm hopeless and overwhelmed.

I do NOT want this to be the legacy I leave my girls. This is NOT something I want for them. I don't know exactly how I can work on this, and I know I won't always be very successful, but from here on out, you can bet I'm gonna try! I am determined to someday be the woman who is clothed with strength and dignity, and can laugh at the days to come. (Proverbs 31:25)

Because that's the kind of woman I want my daughters to be, too.

Dear Lord and Father of mankind,

Forgive our foolish ways!

Reclothe us in our rightful minds;

In purer lives Thy service find;

In deeper rev'rence, praise.

Drop Thy still dews of quietness

Till all our strivings cease.

Take from our souls the strain and stress,

And let our ordered lives confess

The beauty of Thy peace.*

* verses 1 & 3, Dear Lord and Father of Mankind by John Greenleaf Whittier

i'm posting over here today...